The Performer

I've always loved to act, to play pretend. All my life I have been a performer of sorts. As a child I would put on performances for my parents and as I grew, so did my productions. I always gave it my all, from my private elementary school plays to my high school drama class.

My parents said I was born for the spotlight, and you would never find me disagreeing. I love the attention the stage brings to me, and my fans, dressing up, and living a new life for a few hours during rehearsal or when the show is on. To act is my greatest joy in life. I’ve had roles in television, musicals, stage plays, movies, and the occasional advertisement.

I constantly look for the next role I will play if I am not all consumed by my current role. Except for this moment, my entire life has been consumed by acting to the point that I can no longer be my true self.

C r e e e e e k

I hear the house rest and mistake it for the door again. I find myself on edge constantly because I’m in the mists of a minor slip or perhaps the worst catastrophic mistake I have ever made, depending on whom you may ask. I have begun a relationship with my butler behind the back of my husband. I am aware of how awful it is of me; however, it is not even that alone, it's that…

I hear another noise, and I snap myself out of my thoughts and dart my head to my left, looking up. I realize it is my husband preparing for work in the morning.

“Oh! Hello there dear.”

“Spacing off again, are we?”

I feint a smile. “Maybe so,” acting as if I were not trying to think through my mistakes once again in my head. I do this all too often.

“What about this time?” he questioned, sifting through his things to ensure he had everything needed in his briefcase for work.

“I’m just trying to think of what to place in our garden, it feels like such a waste leaving so much land empty…” I say, trying to come up with an excuse on the spot.



“Oh, I like that idea,” he says, having no clue, and putting on his jacket. “You’ve got plenty of time to do that while I’m away, why don’t you come up with a list?”

“Of course.”

I walk up to him, wrap my arms around his neck, and hug him to go, but I curse myself for making him expect something out of me for the day while I had plans with my other.

Performing in plays has helped me in situations like this. When you forget your line on the big day because of nerves or worse, you may just say or do whatever you'd like if it fits the context. If the line is delivered with the same confidence as the rest of your lines, the crowd is none the wiser. Only you and those on the inside know. It is all too much like lying, as I have gotten used to.

To make myself feel better, I try to remind myself that this is just a part of being as famous as I am. Every day is a performance; my name is too well known for me to be human like anyone else. I am held in high regard for no exact reason apart from the reality that I dare be well-known. My persona is a persona to sell a brand and be perfect to the public eye. I dare make no mistakes, as it would just be my downfall.

Before I knew it, my husband was out the door on his way to work, and I was sitting here with my butler's arms around my waist. It has become like this every time my husband is gone. With the warmth he brought to my bed and the thoughts he helped soothe in my head, my time with him always felt well spent even if I felt guilty.

Guilt is difficult to overcome, even more so when you continue to do the same thing you were to feel bad about, much like the thorns of a rose compared to the soft petals. I ask myself often why I continue if I feel so bad but there are many reasons, me and my husband have been disconnected as of late. He and I are often away with our busy work; we barely see each other on our time off unless he forces us to spend time with each other.

I hate to think of this. I cover my hands over my face and lean into his arms while I look up to stop the urge I get to cry. A love like his is hard to find and even harder to lose grip on.

With a heavy heart, I am almost certain he's done the same. He's looked at other men or maybe has done worse. I sigh loudly. I find myself deep into my thoughts and worries often. It is a tiring reality, because this has been going on for years. They had been together for 25 years.

Word count: 868


Illustration By Writer

The light of the sun starts to brighten as the moon drags the darkness down alongside it. First the blue and black of the night sky turns light. Soon yellow and then orange take over the sky as time goes on pulling the sun up. Shining through the darkness as if a beacon of hope and a reminder time is moving on.

Each day a beauty passes over us and her name is the sun. Many notice her, but many more are not even there for her; despite this, she is always there regardless. Be it a time to prepare, plan, rush, or sleep, the sun gently rises alongside her friend humankind.

The warmth on your face as you watch her move is an experience that passes throughout time as a beauty to behold. Photographed for many years and many more to come despite being the same each time.

Downfall of Joey Jordison

Drums have often been in the back of the mind of casual music fans who don’t listen to anything metal, or even rock. Several people who play them have gone unappreciated along with their skill. Many such examples exist where the drums have been nothing but a noise occasionally going off in the background instead of a main part of the song as they should be. But if you listen to the drums as Joey Jordison has played them in Slipknot, you will soon see that they give everything to any song that retains a metal core.

Nathan Jonas Jordison (Joey) was born in Iowa, (Gannett, 2021) and had an insatiable hunger for music since he was young, giving him a foot in the door to become something big someday. Jordison got his first drum set when he was only eight years old, and by the time he grew to a teenager he had made his first band among his friends. Based on his early passion, some even say that Jordison knew what he was going to do someday already.

Jordison has experience with more than just the drums, including the guitar, remixing, and songwriting. More proof of his love for music is the number of bands he has been in, more than is known to the public. He was the first official member along with the two other founders of Slipknot, then known as “pale ones,” Doreian, Robyn (July 2012) because they had not yet decided on a name. The entire band had numbers assigned to them and Jordison was number 1, highlighting how he had been there from the start. Jordison has stated that his greatest influences include Slayer, Def Leppard, and Angel Death.

The media often portrays people who like metal as people worship “the devil,” and “Lucifer,” hurt others, bathe in blood, ruin the youth, and sacrifice animals. But Jordison was nothing like that. His many friends and family say that Jordison was an amazing family member and most importantly a friend. All of this hard work and passion in his musical career led to Jordison later in life winning awards for his drumming and being remembered around the world by fans of metal as the best drummer of all time. BBC (2010, August 29)

With the ups of every career also come the downs. 2013 would be one of the worst downs in Jordison's life. He began to suffer from a disease known as acute transverse myelitis which is a neurological disorder affecting the spinal cord. (Pruthi, 2022) Jordison lost a lot of the movement in his legs and control of his bladder. Sadly, because of this, the other members of Slipknot thought that Jordison had begun to go deep into a terrible drug addiction. The band and its members had experience with Jordison having issues walking in the past, but it was always assumed to be a quirk of his personality because not even Jordison at that point knew what was happening to him.

Without the other members' understanding of what was happening with their drummer, they had begun taking their step in the wrong direction, with assumptions when Joey's disorder took a turn for the worst. Jordison's life had taken a 180 and with that Jordison was kicked out of the band for his disorder that had left him no longer able to hit the drum petals with his feet with the loss of movement in his entire lower half.

He was not fired with any respect or forewarning and they had not even faced him. Jordison was cowardly fired via email Britton, L. M. (2016, June 21) because they had suspected he was on drugs. Jordison was betrayed by his closest friends and the public did not know they were lied to and told that it was all because of personal and creative differences. An unfortunate misunderstanding with a regrettable outcome.

Later in Jordison's life, after he had gone through intensive recovery, he would go on to say, “I’d want to see them, just hug it out and feel that energy that we had when we were fucking young and hungry and all that shit.” (Britton, 2016)

It's devastating to read in this interview that he died from the same disorder that got him fired, hoping and wishing that maybe someday they would invite him back into the band he built from the ground up alongside Corey and Clown. The same people decided to fire him via only an email in 2013.

Figure 1

Mitchell, S. (2009). Joey Jordison of Slipknot performs at the Rock on the Range Festival in Columbus, Ohio. Photograph. Shutterstock. https://www.shutterstock.com/

References

Pruthi, S. (2022, January 19). Transverse myelitis. Mayo Clinic. Retrieved October 9, 2024, from https://www.mayoclinic.org/

Britton, L. M. (2016, June 21). Joey Jordison says ‘cowardly’ Slipknot fired him via email because they thought he was on drugs. New Musical Express. Retrieved October 9, 2024, from https://www.nme.com/news

Gannett (2021, August 9). Nathan Jonas Jordison (Joey). Des Moines Register. Retrieved October 10, 2024, from www.desmoinesregister.com

Gene, S. (2002). Slipknot - Inside the Sickness, Behind the Masks With an Intro by Ozzy Osbourne and Afterword. Ebury Press. 0-09-187933-7

Doreian, Robyn (July 2012). Slipknot: A New Beginning. Terrorizer #224. Dark Arts Ltd. Retrieved October 20th, 2024 from imgur.com/SRWZZKQ

BBC (2010, August 29). Slipknot drummer Joey Jordison tops magazine poll. BBC news. Retrieved October 20th, 2024 from https://www.bbc.com/

Nothing but a long-haired Barbie in hand, the nine-year-old waits for her world to change, not understanding how much of a difference life walking through those doors will make to her future, and yet she has no choice in the matter.

Anna Panek would grow up with life changes every few months after this one big event, her move to America.

Panek was born in Stalowa Wola Poland. Money had not been a concern to the family back then. Being only a child, Panek knew she could rely on her mother and father for everything. The only responsibility she had at the time was being a bigger sister to her sister who was 7 years younger. They were not rich, but not poor; they had everything just in the middle. In Stalowa Wola, she could remember having all the newest toys, clothes, and all the food that her family needed.

But that was all going to change. With little understanding of why and where they were headed, Panek still had her head high because, at this point in her short-lived life, she had gained many skills in making friends in new schools. She was sad leaving her old friends behind, with great memories of playing outside on the street but also,looking forward to having new fun memories with new friends.

Panek walked onto the plane as a citizen and walked out as an immigrant, in a new country, a new place, a new home. From then on, she would be moving constantly every few months. This was because her grandmother owned a real estate business.

Panek was now living in Chicago, America. Bush was the president, the two-dollar bill was still in use, and more, but none mattered to her. Panek was there to be a child. For years, that's how she lived with her grandmother, Panek wished she could move again.

America has a well known reputation of being out there, a dangerous country. But as a young child, those things get lost on you as you fearlessly stay past dark outside playing with friends, until you get tired or hungry. Playing with the friends Panek made along the way was her favourite memory.

Four years later, she gathered her things once again, most memorable to her being just a jacket, some toys, and a handful of clothes. The next thing she could remember was sleeping on the floor in her apartment in Guelph with little to nothing because of her last move.

They moved to Canada because of a dream that her mother had, a better place for her family. No matter how much they left behind they wanted to make that dream come true, even with the price. While Panek spent her time going to Our Lady of Lourdes Catholic High School, her parents were out working and cleaning office buildings to make things work because with money they were cutting corners.

There was a big difference in culture in Canada at the time; a lot fewer people of colour were around compared to the diverse number of Mexicans, Asians, and Black people that were living around her former home. But that was no longer home; home was just a street away from where Panek now lives, almost 30 years later, because the apple never does fall far from the tree.

Wordcount: 635

Discovering yourself as a young adult is as important as learning to walk. I discovered I have a lot for writing in many forms, but mostly creative. I have always had a love for making up characters and stories in my head but I never took the time to write them down, not for any reason I just didn’t go through with it for the effort that it would take.

During this course, I have realized that while I have a creative story in my head even if I have no clue where I should start or go if I just write and continue to work things out it all works itself out and in the end, I will have something I am proud of.

I have also learned that my favourite part of the creative writing process is bouncing my ideas off of other creatives after they have read my story, I think this is enjoyable because I get to explain my ideas with further ways of looking at them and they often have solutions for me to write things out.

I have spent nights working on my creative project, speaking to my friends about it, showing them my writings, gathering their ideas, and discussing my own.

I have gotten many interesting suggestions that have entirely changed the story and many little ones that helped me get through when I felt like my ideas had hit a full stop. I know that I have gained confidence as a writer before this class, I would not show my writing to anyone but being practically forced to share and improve on my work with others I realize that my writing is good and deserves to be shared with other people.